Sometimes You Have To Wonder

A list of the world’s 25 weirdest toys–a lot, but not all, of Japanese origin–including some very strange dolls and lots and lots of poop. Note #11, as shown below–if you showed up to a modeling gig and were asked to wear that hat, what would you say?

Hat tip: cracked.com

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Skymall: My Favorite Catalogue

One of my most recent Skymall purchases, the Tabletop Photo Studio, is "Ideal for photographing items such as jewelry and collectibles for online auctions."

The best thing about flying is the free Skymall magazine tucked conveniently in the seat back pocket in front of you. Skymall offers products that are so practical and necessary, that every time I flip though it I find something else that I can’t believe I’ve lived so long without. Like this. And this. And such reasonable prices!

Everyone should vote for their favorite Skymall products in this bracket tourney today!

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Elves Have Families Too, I Think

Yesterday, an armed suspect dressed as Santa Claus robbed a Hermitage bank in Nashville, TN  and told tellers he was doing so to “pay his elves.”

Local news WKRN.com reports:

According to witnesses, the suspect was clumsy and seemed jovial.

Amazingly, this guy is still on the loose.

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Holiday Eating Tips

Similar to the tequila baking directions posted below, these tips should also be followed closely.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. You can’t find it any
other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000
calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an
eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy.
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if
you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or
get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips;
start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

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Rounds with Jose Cuervo

It’s Madcap’s first annual Christmas cookie baking spree, so here’s a little sample of the day’s agenda:

Drunken Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer…Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar…Beat again.

At this point it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup … just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor…

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet.

Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS

Hat tip: abs

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Better Cold than Off-Trend

For those embracing the pantsless trend, finding appropriate athletic gear is hard! Winter-weather enthusiasts suffer, while tennis players and gymnasts can compete in style.

No longer—enter the ski skirt.

This girl looks super fly in her ski skirt! For only £100, you can be secure in your pantslessness even on the slopes.

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Her Majesty’s Dystopia

I think Lady Gaga’s inspiration for the red latex dress she wore to meet the queen was the handmaid uniform in Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale. Erin McGuire’s rendering of the book presents it better than the actual cover.

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Thinspiration

This girl knew how to handle her unpaid publishing internship. And to think: I figured a couple open bars and sitting next to MoDo at the Ideas Forum was as good as it gets.

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Kids = Shrunken Drunk People

This video confirms my theory that little kids are in fact just really small, wasted adults.

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About The Madcap

MADCAP. adjective. Definition: crazy, wacky, silly, zany, daft, wild, nutty, screwy.

You know those funny Web sites, weird stories and goofy Internet memes that flood your inbox each day? Yeah, we love them too. So we’re aggregating them here, at The Madcap.

Check back often!

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